


Lonely

by cadkitten



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depression, Gen, Loneliness, One Shot, Outer Space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 20:18:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17351930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: Some days were easier than others. Honestly, things had been easier before he'd started training to be a Blade. Before losing Shiro, before... a lot. Now, he found himself at a loss. The guy he'd once confided in had changed, didn't take the time to talk to him like he once had. It left him without a lot of options.





	Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> Random snippet in time. It's super oneshot-y and just a fragment of a moment.  
> Beta: kate1zena

Keith flopped back on his bed. One hand came up to push through his hair, a resigned sigh parting ways with his lips. Some days up here were worse than others. Sure, he'd heard all about how lonely it could be, even with an entire crew at the Garrison before he'd been kicked out. There were two courses on the potential issues they might encounter mentally that they had to take before they were allowed to go any further – which made sense given what Keith was feeling now. Lonely: the single word didn't begin to actively describe just how down he truly felt.

Some days were easier than others. Honestly, things had been easier before he'd started training to be a Blade. Before losing Shiro, before... a lot. Now, he found himself at a loss. The guy he'd once confided in had changed, didn't take the time to talk to him like he once had. It left him without a lot of options. He'd thought about talking to Hunk about it, but every time he tried to convince himself to, life seemed to step in and say he wasn't allowed to. Called away for a mission, attacked by Galra cruisers. Eventually he'd given up on the notion and debated his other options. 

Rule number four was talk about it. Talk to others whenever he started to feel so isolated it fucked with his head. Talk to someone if he grew so lonely he started to cry in the showers. Talk to someone before he found himself trying to sleep half his life away for lack of any better idea.

He tried Pidge. The conversation lasted all of four minutes before he'd hit a brick wall and hadn't been able to get his voice in gear to tell her the truth of why he'd started talking in the first place. He'd walked away without resolution and without telling her like he was supposed to. She hadn't followed the way Shiro would have.

Allura seemed a non-option, really. Coran even less of one and there was no way in Hell he would talk to a Blade he barely knew. 

So he tried and tried again with Shiro, whom he was slowly deducing was _not_ Shiro. He gave up after a few weeks.

It left him with Lance. Left him trying to figure out if he should bring him that far into his confidences or not; if it'd give the wrong impression... or not. He started a conversation and he walked away from it when he couldn't get his words to cooperate any longer. Lance's perplexed, "Keith?" followed him down the hall, though his footsteps did not.

That had been yesterday. Yesterday, when Keith had felt like opening up and not today where he wished he just hadn't woken up at all this morning. He'd already fucked up three things and it wasn't even midday yet. In his world, that usually meant try harder and be angry at himself for fucking up. Today, it meant lay in his room and stare at the ceiling thinking about how best to disappear.

He was falling. There were no ifs, ands, or buts about it. He was falling right into the trap they'd all been warned about in the first year, if only because he couldn't get his damn mouth to move for long enough to admit it.

A knock came on the door and Keith pushed himself up, rested his forearms on his knees and sighed, muttering, "Come in," just loud enough for whoever it was to hear him. The door opened and Keith glanced up, finding Lance standing there, hands awkwardly stowed in his pockets, looking about as nervous as he'd ever seen him.

"Look... I uh..." Lance cleared his throat and took a few steps closer, hesitating midway between the door and Keith. The door slid closed behind him. "Yesterday. I think I kinda get what you were saying." One hand dislodged itself from his pocket and came up to push through his hair. "It's about what the Garrison told us to watch out for, right?"

Keith made a face, went back to staring at the floor and chose his path. "Yes." He didn't offer anything further, no path forward in the conversation. He wasn't sure if it mattered. _Tell someone_ had now been fulfilled. He just wasn't sure what else he was supposed to do about it now.

Lance shuffled closer, finally taking a seat on the edge of Keith's bunk, clasping his hands between his knees. "What's happening?"

Again Keith's words failed him, refusing to be formed on his tongue, to leave the confines of his mind. He just closed his eyes and shrugged, the sensation of being dragged down filling his gut. Maybe it was worse trying to talk about it, particularly to Lance, of all people.

"I think it's sorta happening to me, too." The words were quiet, a confession that wasn't meant to leave this room, and Keith took it gratefully, some of the tension in his chest easing. "Sometimes I just want to lie down and never get back up. Like it's all too much. And sometimes I'm sad and I don't know why, so I cover it up and everyone hates me because I'm being overly loud and obnoxious. I know why I'm doing it, I just... don't think it'd be understood."

The last vestiges of tension inside Keith gave up and unwound. He stared down at his hands and slowly clenched and unclenched them. "I'm lonely. Even surrounded by all of you, I feel like there's no one." The words were easier than he'd thought they could be.

"I get that."

"They told us to tell someone..." he didn't know how to say he'd been desperately trying for far longer than he wanted to admit.

"I'm here."

Keith just nodded, cast his gaze at the far wall and sighed heavily. "I don't know what to say."

"It's okay, you don't have to. Just... if you're lonely, come hang out. I'll understand."

Swallowing back his thoughts on hanging out with someone he didn't really _like_ hanging out with, Keith offered a quiet, "Yeah... same," knowing it was best to offer something in return, even if it was this small. 

It was a start and that was really all he could ask of himself for the time being


End file.
